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Advice, baby

If you got a problem, yo I’ll give some advice for it . . drusdrus@gmail.com

QUESTION: A girl in my building has a drug/mental health problem. I want to help her, but I don’t want to get too close, because she doesn’t listen to my advice, and I can’t handle her knocking on my door at 4am etc. anymore. She has a flatmate, but he’s not home very often, so might not be seeing what’s going on.

ADVICE: Call the flatmate.

QUESTION: How can I keep the spark alive in my relationship?

ADVICE: do one small thing a day. just think of something to do together.
e.g. surprise her by taking her somewhere – overnight, or just for an hour, close or far.
. . just any small thing. I don’t think it’s about buying her expensive gifts, or big gestures. just being really interested in her. look into her eyes when you’re talking & really listen. you’ll easily find small ways to show her how you feel about her. and vice versa, hopefully.

this book has some good advice:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Underachievers-Manifesto-Accomplishing-Feeling/dp/0811853683/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1349825888&sr=8-1&keywords=underachievers

QUESTION: How do you know if your heart’s not in something, and if you do, what do you do next?

ADVICE: Hmm, I reckon you already know, because you will have decided since you wrote me. But in case you don’t . .
‘Time apart.’ The French say: ‘love is a flame, and time apart is the wind . . if the love is great, the flame will burn higher; if the love is small, the flame will go out.’
- or -
The Shoop Shoop Song works the other way round:
‘if you wanna know if you love him so, it’s in your kiss . .’
One question: are they ‘too nice’?
How do you end it, if you decide to? If they’re babelicious maybe you can say “my heart’s not in it, but my eyes definitely were”, or your smile if they made you LOL, your brain if they made you think . . tell the truth, but sprinkle some sugar.

QUESTION: I’m currently negotiating a new and very tender relationship with a guy who might be a keeper. But a couple of things have happened in the last few days that are making me feel a little cynical about the whole thing. I guess I just need a sounding board who can be objective.
- Frusdating

ADVICE: John Gottman, an American academic, predicts if relationship success based on snippets of conversations. The most important indicator – if one person’s showing contempt, just being negative to the other one, it’s not a good sign.
I have a general rule – if a girl does three shitty things in the first month or so, I think about ending it. Examples: intentionally starting arguments, or being jerks when they’re drunk or hungover. This is ‘the 5% rule’ – if you can see a trend of bad behaviour forming, it’s better to get out when you’ve only seen 5% of it, rather than drowning in 100% of it. I guess you have to decide what is ‘shitty’ for you, and what is something you could talk about, and ask him to kindly not do again? Some discussion advice – say what you’re feeling, instead of that they did something wrong.
I guess just take it slow, and keep your eyes & heart open. Someone once said ‘nothing good gets away’ – if he’s a keeper, then he’ll know lots of ways to show it.

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