gifts & services


brekkie-in-bed delivery

I deliver the most sensitive meal of the day, 7 – 11.59 am, weekend mornings & special occasions. Most questions answered here:

Order the night before, or allow half an hour for delivery. Delivery tips optional.
Poetry complimentary. 10% surcharge when I have a hangover. Order on 021.474.555.


fresh bread & french pastries $4/item
filet o’ fish (an ex’s hangover cure) $9
unaffordable luxe cereal $18
bloody Mary $7
fresh juice $5
coffee $5
newspaper $3


dream analysis (Boyfreudian)
fanning (chaise longue not incl)
hair-brushing (bed hair, begone!)
motivational talk (to get out of bed)
contraception (so you can stay there)
a honey-trap (made with Manuka honey)
cigarettes (eww, may not make you sexier)

sentimental pricing? if you have to ask, ya can’t afford…

SATISFIED CUSTOMER (please order, we need more customers!!)

Thanks for a wonderful breakfast. The quality of bread was fantastic! The lucky in love tea was amazing. We were staring at the flowers as they bloomed. You are a real sensitive boyfriend! I will surely tell my friends about your delicate service, which is off the chain! Many thanks. —Lily

ps from Hamish: The poem made my day and I will be referring to Lily as my ‘refined sugar’ for years to come. Thanks so much.

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