gifts & services


Brekkie in bed delivery

I deliver the most sensitive meal of the day, 7 – 11.59 am, weekend mornings & special occasions. Most questions answered here:

Order the night before, or allow half an hour for delivery. Delivery tips gratefully accepted.
Poetry is complimentary. 15% surcharge when I have a hangover. Order on 021.474.555.


‘Paleo cocoa puffs' $10 (for 1), $20 (for 2); got milk?
fresh bread n pastries $POA
filet o’ fish (an ex’s hangover cure) $7
bloody Mary $7
fresh juice $5
coffee $5
newspaper $3


dream analysis (Boyfreudian)
fanning (grapes as standard, chaise longue not incl)
hair-brushing (bed hair begone!)
motivational talk (to get out of bed)
contraception (so you can stay there)
a honey-trap (made with real honey)
cigarettes (may not make you sexier)

sentimental pricing? if you have to ask . .


Thanks for a wonderful breakfast. The quality of bread was fantastic! The lucky in love tea was amazing. We were staring at the flowers as they bloomed. You are a real sensitive boyfriend! I will surely tell my friends about your delicate service, which is off the chain! Many thanks. —Lily

ps from Hamish: The poem made my day and I will be referring to Lily as my ‘refined sugar’ for years to come. Thanks so much.

Again this year I’m giving an award to the best new friend of 2016. Finalist for BNF are:

Peter Satro
Paul Markham
Zoe Kenzie-Benbrook & Erin
the Akl Public Library as personified by Karen Issel
Kingston Trinder

why buy the cow when you can get a coffee for $5 + a small delivery fee ?

Up Next:

BNF 2016