I once went for a job as a driver at an Auckland brothel. I handed over my CV to the owner, 'We don't need those here, mate', he said.
If you're applying for a job that does need a CV, I'd like to help you with your application. We could do a cover letter & CV makeover, or . . something game-changing.
I also do dating profiles and wedding speeches.
email@example.com for enquiries.